Good morning,
There was an argument last night between my husband and me. My frustration got the best of me and I did not want to be bothered by his nonsense. As You know, I am not living with him and am now at my dad's house with our girls. I was working my second job and when I got my break, I went to get my cell phone and noticed I had a missed call from my dad. I thought it might be about my grandpa who has been ill here lately, but it was from my oldest. I called her back and was a little confused when she answered as she was supposed to be at church. She explained to me that she and her dad got into an argument and she walked to my dad's house.
Her version is that my husband had a very short fuse to begin with and was getting very agitated with our youngest. According to my oldest, he even told the youngest, "You are pissing me off," and popped her butt a couple of times, sent her to her room because she was crying and went outside to smoke a cigarette. All the while the oldest was coming to the defense of the youngest. It got time for my oldest to be taken to church and my husband told her he didn't have to take her with the crappy attitude she was giving him. I know both of them so well...they are just like one another. Long story short, I called him after speaking with her and was upset at his immaturity. I can understand how the oldest behaves as she is a teenager. This does not mean I condone or allow her misbehaviour, but I understand she is still a kid and will have these issues. My husband, however, is a 33 year old man. He should know better than to behave the way he does. It makes no difference though, he continues the childish behaviour...the mimicking while arguing, the bullying, etc.
I have had my fill. I feel as if he needs to grow up and start acting like an adult and my daughter needs to learn that she has to be respectful all the time and not just when it is convenient for her or when she wants something. I am done being a referee for the two of them and they will have to learn how to deal with one another on their own. What's more, I counted on him taking her to church just like he would if I was still living there and had to work. How do real single mothers do it? It is not the responsibility of my dad to take care of his grandchildren when his daughter goes to work; it is their father's responsibility. It is not the responsibility of my father to take his grandchildren to their extra curricular activities, it is their father's responsibility. Time and time again he let's me down by not doing what he is supposed to be doing as a father, because he does not want to. A lot of people have to do things they don't want to do! Again, I really want to say GROW UP!!!
My husband has a disease...he is an addict, but he does not want to do anything about it. This is the most difficult part for me. I cannot deal with the behaviour of an addict any longer. That is why I moved out. I want peace in my life and there is no peace in the house with an active addict. I love my husband dearly and reminded myself it is the disease and he is not a bad person. He was created in Your likeness like everyone else. It is difficult for me not to let the disease get the best of me. When I left the house last night after picking up the youngest, we spoke very few words to one another. I want to call him so badly, but do not want to argue. I do not want to punish him by not calling, that is certainly not my intent if I do not call, however, I need him to understand he cannot continue to behave this way and think things will be alright.
Lord, I pray he learns from his actions and bad behaviour that change is so very badly needed. I pray he realizes the damage he is causing to our children. I pray You open his eyes to what he is doing to everybody by choosing not to get help for himself. I also pray you give me strength to make it through today. I pray you help me avoid checking up on him and his phone records. I pray you put me at ease because You are in control of this situation and NOT me.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Love always,
J
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